It is the time of the year that is marked with the conundrum of soon to be forsaken resolutions, rebirths, awakenings, and promise; However, what happens when the New Year is not brought in under the most light-hearted of circumstances? Interestingly, we each will hold on to that invisible promise that the universe provides on January 1st, even amongst the present turmoil. Truthfully this particular feeling of hope in January does far outweigh the same hope in February or July. The transaction we expect to be positive; we are owed that in theory- but regardless of the sunshine and the warm buttery rays of Florida’s January, I still feel thunderstorms. And the days of December melt into January with questionable results. We ask what do we want from the New Year? Who do we want to be? What the Hell happened in 2008? -My perspective is that of a 23 year old female and although that won’t narrow it down to much for our readers, perhaps it may offer some of a framework.

There are a few things that are consistent with my cohort of women as far as this New Year and “Change in 09″ are concerned. First of all, the number one is not Body Image and Weight as the media paints. For many women the latter becomes an extension of the true desire for the New Year: Love…(of course) defined by trust. honesty. and loyalty. Be it in relationships, friendships, and what I call “Self-ship”- we all seek that companionship, a safe haven, our security blanket. Everyone moves in a frenzy to change the outside and hope their inside will come to reflect the new manifested swagger and shine. Our older wiser counterparts may make the same move for health purposes, still knowing that the internal pay off of enjoying shopping again is a goal-but not one we will make known for humility’s sake. From a fresh cut, those pumps that went on sale, a new car, an intense workout, a new weave, or even a new plan- We all want control of Self… that seems safely applicable across all barriers from age, race, gender, orientation and the other great divides. And Control can be peaceful despite the harsh connotation of the word- it seems some people stress terribly to be stress-free. But is this control we seek emotionally fulfilling? Once we are in some state of control, if it ever happens- what than?

Now, after we gain our so called control- We become inherently unstoppable. (Perhaps this hits circa de February or March ?) We have rid ourselves of the foolishness: the bad relationships, the bad sex, the drama, fried food, people who try to talk over us, the dead end jobs, the desire to be desired. We are getting stronger, smarter, cultured, and more sufficient. We are impenetrable and too hard to be heartbroken. Perhaps we are closer to God, or we no longer care what anyone thinks, we can out run the boys, or maybe we are going to “play” the game instead. Regardless, now more than ever we feel a small sense of self knowledge. But oops- we are kind of alone at the end of the night. Even amongst company-in our minds, the true dialogue still takes place with our self. And we are getting a little tired of talking to this self and waiting for a response. And we know- what is the fun of a new self without anyone to honor, respect, adore, and solidify it?

I guess my rambling is somewhat of an honor and homage to the process of self-discovery for all. Especially for young women in this generation who are plagued with issues, dramas, and everyday random madness that makes living a normal life not so simple. To those fellow women and men (the battles they fight are equally intense) too- the ones who are fighting the inner battle at the beginning of the New Year, Good Luck! And if anything remember that everything you desire and want from within is possible- but what’s the fun and point of it all, if you do not have friends, family, and lovers to share it with. There of course, are always cats, dogs, fish, and jobs…. so I guess we will all be okay- or at best- pretending to be pleasantly preoccupied.

*And after the battle and the rain- the sun will surely shine again.

One Love- Mandi.

Feel Free to Share New Year’s Resolutions and Goals! A few of mine include letting go, wearing bras more often, and letting others finish their sentences.

By: Amanda Herrera
Currently I am a Graduate Student in battle with Academia. At Heart, I am Mother Teresa in 6 inch Heels. I appreciate coffee, conversations, people with life experience, art, and the human condition. I believe in the power of being a living contradiction and making people think twice.
Website: http://www.myspace.com/13mandi23